Seattle
After my fun time on the Amtrak, I was relieved to get to Seattle.
I arrived at the hostel about 10.30am-ish and check-in is at 11am but it is possible that a bed would be ready prior to 11 so I went to reception anyhow. The droop behind the counter said bed not ready yet – no problem, I’ll wait and check my email with your free wifi. Yeah, about that – our internet connection has been cancelled by our provider due to a guest downloading music illegally and it won’t be reconnected for another 2 or 3 days (it still wasn’t reconnected by the time I left a week later). Oh joy. So instead I vegetate in one of the comfy chairs in the communal area. I also eavesdrop on the conversation of a group of hostellers – although I wasn’t really eavesdropping as they were talking so loud their conversation was impossible to ignore. The focus of the conversation was the excellent sexual prowess of one particular guy who clearly thought he was God’s gift to women, which I found a little hard to believe since the guy had a face that made me want to bathe in a tub of dettol for a week.
Finally, I can check-in. This time I get helped by Macaulay Culkin’s brother who has the personality of a wet paper bag. He shows me which room I’m in, where the bathrooms are, what time the front doors are locked blah blah. The room is ok – it’s an 8 bed dorm and the bunks look rather sturdy, which makes the narrow room a lot narrower. There are also underbed lockers, which is good in theory but not so good in practice when there is limited floor space. Some good things though were each bed had 4 powerpoints, a light and ‘modesty’ curtains. Macaulay Culkin’s brother then left me to my own devices and I headed straight for the shower. Since I hadn’t had a shower for 2 days, I decided to make up for this by spending 3 hours in the bathroom (and no, I didn’t have the water on the WHOLE time).
Once I was squeaky clean, I decided to venture out to get something to eat and find some wifi. Since Starbucks was across the road and everyone raves about a little free wifi with your coffee, I figured it would be a good place to start. I got a sandwich and a beverage that wasn’t coffee (I don’t drink coffee because it tastes like shit, unless it is iced coffee with a good dumping of whipped cream) but I couldn’t see anything about free wifi while I waited in line. So once at the counter, I asked the girl at the register what’s the go. Apparently, to use the free wifi you must be some Starbucks coffee member of which you have to buy coffee on a regular basis to join and stay a member. The wifi is then free for the first 2 hours then you must pay for it after that. If you are not a stupid Starbucks member then you pay for wifi from the word go. Free wifi my arsehole.
After scabby Starbucks, I perused the area, including the Pike Place Market which is just over the road from the hostel. In case you don’t know – and you probably don’t – the Pike Place Markets were established in the early 1900s in order to ‘cut out the middleman’ after the price of onions went up to some astronomical level. The idea was a public street market where consumers could meet the producers and on opening day, 8 farmers were a little overwhelmed by 10,000 eager shoppers. Since then, the Pike Place Market has grown to house over 200 year-round commercial businesses, 190 craftspeople and 120 farmers who rent table space on a daily basis. The Markets are internationally recognised as America’s premier farmers’ market and over 10 million people visit every year. Pretty impressive for something that originated from overpriced onions. I didn’t really care for the craftspeople all that much, but the quality of the fresh produce, including seafood and flowers, was incredible.
During my ventures, I happened to stumble upon a tourist-friendly sign indicating the public library was just a couple of blocks away. Since public libraries almost always have free wifi, I decided to check it out. However, I nearly abandoned my wifi quest when I saw the perpendicular hill I would have to climb to get to the library. A heart attack and 3 streets later, I made it to the library. It was a pretty funky library too. It was all steel and fluro yellow and fire engine red. Not the kind of decor you’d associate with a library. The wifi was indeed free just make sure you keep your shoes on and eyes open – no shoeless, sleeping allowed in the library. I also ran into a little Hispanic man while on the way back from the loo:
LittleHispanicMan: Hello
Me: Hi
LittleHispanicMan: You’re soooo pretty.
Me: Yeah
LittleHispanicMan: I love you.
Me: Walking very quickly fast to get the fuck away.
Later that evening back at the hostel, I was sitting on my bed waiting for free, all-you-can-eat dinner at 7pm – is there anything sweeter than free, all-you-can-eat? – when I heard the key in the dorm room door. Now I had reserved a female dorm and since Macaulay Culkin’s brother hadn’t indicated otherwise, I just assummed I was in a female dorm. So imagine my surprise when God’s gift from that morning in the communal area walks in the room. Before I could say excuse me you rude individual, he proceeded up to the top bunk across from me and then snored like a chainsaw. A girl then entered the room and wasn’t at all bothered by the presence of a penis so it dawned on me that I was actually in a co-ed room, not a female one. Being co-ed doesn’t bother me all that much – boys are much quieter than girls because they don’t talk and much tidier than girls because the don’t usually take copious amounts of useless crap travelling or go shopping. However, co-ed does increase the chances of dorm room bonking since although ‘visitors’ are rarely allowed in hostels, there’s no rule that says you can’t get a leg over a bunk buddy if you’re so inclined. Of course, this is exactly what happened.
I was rudely awoken at some ungodly hour by the loud and rather drunk coversation between God’s gift and two other girls – one was the girl who had come in the room earlier, the other girl was in the bunk above me. God’s gift, sounding as if he were the least drunk, said it was time to go to ’sleep’ and with my modesty curtains drawn, heard the sounds of people getting ready for bed. I went back to sleep but then woke again a few minutes later to the sound of someone rolling into the wall above me. I didn’t think this was strange at first as the beds were quite narrow and a restless sleeper could easily roll into the wall – just not several times in quick succession. I then heard a male voice attempt some amorous conversation inbetween some unmistakable huffs and puffs and it was pretty clear that God’s gift was getting his end wet. This did not impress me. I mean seriously, they couldn’t find an empty street or public toilet like normal people? I’m all for holiday fun, but fucking in a dorm room where several others are trying to sleep is just the height of bad manners. Just as I was poised to yell obscenities at the inconsiderate fornicators with my finger milimeters from the light switch, the same chainsaw snoring from earlier started up. All over in a matter of moments. So much for being God’s gift to women.
Next day, first on my tourist to-do list was the Space Needle and the Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum. I got a 24 hour pass for the Space Needle which meant I could go twice in a 24 hour period. This turned out to be very handy as once I got to the top, my camera wouldn’t work because the battery had died. So I used the first visit to just check the place out and do a souvenir shop then came back later that day to take photos after I had gone back to the hostel for a battery change.
After my first Space Needle visit for the day I went to the Experience Music Project. Naturally, as soon as I’m inside I get in trouble because I’m drinking from a bottle of water and the sign says no food or drink to ‘protect the archives’ even though everything is behind fucking glass. It’s water. I’m thirsty. Seriously. I want to drink it not spray it everywhere like a maniac. Experiencing music was a little dull – there was some interesting exhibits about the history of the Seattle music scene as many popular bands/genres originated from the area plus a comprehensive Jimi Hendrix exhibit (he was born and buried in Seattle) that was quite good. Another good thing was you got stamped at entry so you could come and go as you pleased for day allowing you to go somewhere else for lunch besides the overpriced EMP cafe.
Once back at the EMP with new battery in camera, I decided to have a look at the Science Fiction Museum. It was kind of cool – Yoda, E.T and Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were there plus some interesting facts about everything and anything sci-fi. After some final happy snaps at the EMP, I went back to the Space Needle for my second visit. Photos included below for your viewing pleasure.
Next on my hit list was the Woodland Park Zoo. I was nearly going to give this place a miss since once you’ve seen one zoo, you’ve pretty much seen them all but I’m glad I didn’t because it was actually a really nice place to visit. Although I did make the mistake of going on a Sunday which meant I was constantly being run over by parents who are clearly not qualified to drive a pram in a considerate manner. The Zoo is quite large with a strong focus on conservation which means the animal enclosures are of a reasonable size so you don’t spend the day feeling sorry for the poor fuckers behind the bars. There is also quite a diverse range of animals both local and from abroad. My favourite was the Australian bird enclosure where you could hand feed cockatiels, budgies and rosellas. The best part was when the birds crapped unnoticed on the people. That was funny.
Next day, I decided to do the Dead Guy Tour run by the hostel. This tour took me and 5 other hostellers to visit the graves of Bruce and Brandon Lee in Lake View Cemetary, Kurt Cobain’s house and the grave of Jimi Hendrix. It was quite an enjoyable day minus one of the girls on the tour who happened to be from Las Vegas and so we had to hear all about Las Vegas and how great it is and where to stay and what to eat and blah blah blah. I would have much preferred to hear about Seattle since that’s where we were. The grave of Jimi Hendrix is quite impressive – he is actually buried under that great big cement dome you will see in the included happy snaps because people kept digging him up when he was just under turf. How creepy is that. Also, if you have a spare $50K lying around you can purchase one of the plots around the outside of the dome and be buried next to Jimi – apparently his sister is selling them on ebay.
The following day, I paid a visit to the Seattle Aquarium. The Aquarium was a little ho-hum so I did it over fairly promptly and then decided to hit the Fisherman’s Restaurant for an appropriate seafood lunch. Since their specialty was northwest Pacific cuisine, I opted for steamed mussels, a salmon burger which came with a clam chowder and deep fried oysters. The mussels, salmon burger and chowder were pretty good but I don’t think deep frying oysters is really the way to go. My server was really nice and even replaced my chowder as she thought the first one wasn’t up to scratch. I tipped her $10. After lunch, I went on a Seattle harbour cruise. It was pleasant and even saw some sea lions frolicking in the bay.
On my last evening in Seattle, I decided to take a ghost tour of the Pike Place Market. The tour began at the Gum Wall which is so-named because people stick their unwanted gum to the wall. According to the tour guide, it was recently voted the second germiest place in America which Seattlites are quite proud of. Nice. I was the first to arrive for the tour and tour guide informed me that we were expecting several others. Only two more people showed up – one of them turned out to be my server from the Fisherman’s Restaurant! She recognised me straightaway but it took me a moment to realise who she was since she wasn’t wearing the hideous uniform (it was REALLY bad). The tour was good fun although we didn’t see any ghosts so enjoyed a couple of cocktails afterwards instead (well I did at least).
Peace out.
Love the look of the markets. Love the shots of Seattle. Perhaps you needed a cocktail or two after your episode with LittleHispanicMan. Would also help you to sleep when you’re awaken by any amorous activity in the dorm.