Princess on the Road

Not even years of camping experience could have prepared me for this…

 

After a night of luxury  in a hotel (TV!  Room service!  Fresh towels and sheets!), I was supposed to meet the tour leader at 7.30am in the hotel lobby so I had to stuff my pancakes (that’s the only thing that doesn’t come with eggs) down my throat at 7.20 because I was running a little bit late.  I then found the tour leader with a few others obviously going on the trip as well in the lobby.  Tour leader was really nice if not a little quirky and certainly had the look and air of a seasoned traveller.  The members of the tour group were a different story.

 

 

 

 

The tour group consisted of 2 Norwegian girls travelling together, 3 Korean girls – 2 of which were travelling together, 1 girl from Denmark, 1 girl from Wales, 1 guy from England and 1 guy from Australia.  Including me, that was a group of 10 people.  After a bit of paperwork, we had to do the whole what’s your name, where you’re from blah blah bonding thing.  Talk about wet behind the ears.  I was the only who had been camping before.  Some people didn’t realise we would be camping, even though when booking it clearly says ACCOMMODATION WILL BE TENTS.  Some people didn’t bring a sleeping bag even though when booking it clearly says YOU WILL NEED A SLEEPING BAG.  One of the Korean girls didn’t have any travel insurance, even though when booking it clearly says YOU WILL NEED TRAVEL INSURANCE – PURCHASE FROM US OR SHOW PROOF OF OTHER.  The guy from Australia looked very trendy in his DKNY jeans, Lacoste polo, Tommy Hilfiger knit and very white Lacoste hat – pity such nice clothes are going to get FUCKING TRASHED.

 

Anyway, we eventually hit the road in the Trek mini van (a little trailer that looked like a small horse float carries all the gear and luggage).  I was first in line to get into the van and to make it easier for those at the end of the line and since I’m such a polite young lady, I went to the back seat – and even though TourLeader said we were supposed to rotate seats, that’s where I stayed the entire week.  This turned out to be yet another stroke of genius on my part as no one wanted to sit next to me (except for TrendyAussieBoy a couple of hours one day) and the seat went the width of the van (big enough to fit 3 people) so I was able to lie down and sleep while everyone else had to sit up to sleep.  Plus I could drap my towel across the back of the seat in the sun so it would dry and not go smelly unlike everyone else who ended up with super smelly towels.  There were 3 rows of seats in front of the back seat – on one side were double seats for 2 people and the other side single seats.  One of the single seats was just an extra emergency seat so someone could sit in the front passenger seat instead. 

 

First stop on the tour was Yosemite National Park.  We arrived there around lunch so before entering the Park, we stopped to eat at a rest stop picnic table.  TourLeader explained the procedure for lunch and unpacking the trailer in general: everyone is to help unload the trailer and for lunch this included 2 eskys – one with the drinks, one with the cold meats, cheese, lettuce, tommies etc – 2 storage containers with the bread and other snacks, a storage box with paper towel, plates etc and the small storage box with the cutlery.  That was pretty straightforward even for camping virgins.  The food from the eskys and containers is then taken out and this is where things started to get tricky.  People were only interested in feeding themselves not making a group contribution so that everyone is fed in a timely and orderly fashion.   This meant that people just plonked down at the table, grabbed what they wanted and then stuffed their face without any regard to others who perhaps hadn’t even got within an inch of the table.  Not impressed.  I tried to set an example by cutting up a couple of tomatoes for communal use, only to find when I was ready for some tommie, no one thought to leave me some even though I cut the bastard.          

 

After lunch, the trailer was packed up and we hit the road again.  Before descending into the Yosemite Valley, we made a stop at the Tuolumne Grove of Giant Sequoias.  The Sequoias are quite impressive specimens and rightly touted as the largest organisms on Earth.  Sequoias are similar to the Redwoods just more substantial in girth but less so in height.  The air was quite chilly so to stay warm, enjoy the quiet of the woods and actually see things rather than engage in brainless chit chat, I walked a little bit faster and was about 10 metres or so in front of the rest of the group.  This meant I saw the deer amongst the trees before everyone else and the first majestic Sequoia of the Grove when everyone else walked straight past it.  Eventually, I got in trouble for ‘not walking with the group’  by TourLeader as God forbid I take some initiative.

 

 

 

 

Later we arrived in Yosemite Valley.  We were allowed about an hour or so of free time to have a look in the shops and buy anything we might need.  We then left for the camping ground we would be staying at for the next two nights.  I wasn’t impressed to hear that the camping ground would be a 45 minute drive away from the action – I assumed we would be camping close to, if not in, the Valley.  Apparently, the closer camp grounds are very popular and must be booked months in advance to secure a site.  While this is understandable for such a popular destination, I found it a little hard to believe that a company like Trek America couldn’t be organised enough to secure a site well in advance, perhaps even have an arrangement with National Parks or whoever is responsible for the camp ground - surely if a particular tour did not go ahead for whatever reason and a particular booking no longer needed, such bookings could be cancelled at little or no cost?  Perhaps I just expect too much but then it was a little convenient that a male friend of TourLeader, who was currently leading a tour for another company, happened to be camped at the same camp ground we were.

 

At the campground, we received another lesson from TourLeader in how to unpack the trailer for setting up camp.  After everything needed was out and set where it needed to be, we then had a lesson in putting up the tents.  The tents were 4 person tents but only 2 people would be sharing a tent so there would be plenty of room for people and their stuff.  This meant we had to pair off and I got stuck with the odd-one-out KoreanGirl3.  I would like to think that I am relatively tolerant of other people and their faults (I’ve been working in customer service for the last 10 years for fucks sake) but I do not tolerate uselessness well at all.  And this is exactly what KoreanGirl3 was – completely and utterly useless.  She could be forgiven since she had never been camping before but seriously, it’s a tent not fucking rocket science.  As a result of her uselessness, I basically put the tent up myself and so it was the last tent up.  I also wanted to keep the tent as clean as possible since we had to clean them at the end of the week and the camp ground was pretty dusty, so I would take off my shoes before getting in the tent.  I needn’t have bothered as KoreanGirl3 had already stomped all through the tent putting dust and dirt everywhere. 

 

Although you had to bring your own sleeping bag, Trek provided a ‘thermal sleeping pad’ for you to sleep on.  This information was relayed on the website and I thought that ‘thermal sleeping pad’ sounded quite conducive to a good, comfortable sleep.  But yet again, I was expecting too much.  The ‘thermal sleeping pad’ turned out to be nothing more than a piece of foam barely a centimetre thick and although quite long in length, it was very narrow – barely a bodywidth.  The ‘thermal’ aspect came from a series of v-shaped groves in the foam that supposedly ‘caught your body heat and bounced it back to you’.  Yeah right.

 

TourLeader explained that as with lunch, you were expected to help prepare dinner and then also clean up afterwards.  Since the tour was just a short one and she enjoyed cooking, TourLeader said she would cook dinner and then the rest of us can clean up.  After I had a shower, I ventured over to where she was preparing dinner to see what I was going to be fed.  I soon saw why she was happy to cook – every bit of kitchen paraphenalia had been used.  Who cares when you’re not washing up right?

 

After dinner, TrendyAussieBoy and I volunteered to do dishes.  KoreanGirl1 also volunteered but she was pretty hopeless and not really needed as TrendyAussieBoy and I had everything under control.  While we were washing up, TourLeader decided to light a camp fire but it was more of a camp smoke.  Seriously it was terrible.  I refused to go near it because I did not want to go to bed smelling like smoke and of course, TourLeader didn’t approve of my non-participation. 

 

The purpose of the camp smoke gathering was to discuss the tour happenings.  TourLeader informed us that sometimes we would be camping in places where it is cold and without electricity or showers and limited toilet facilites.  She didn’t want to hear any complaints about this – afterall it is all part of the experience.  What the fuck?  I can live without electricity no problem but being cold, uncomfortable and dirty?  I can take a dump into a dug-out pit with the wind whistling up my arsehole and creepy crawlies lurking in the bushes as I did on many camping trips during my youth but I don’t ever recall sleeping cold and uncomfortable or not being able to wash?  What the fuck kind of EXPERIENCE is this??     

 

TourLeader also wanted to know where everyone had to be once the tour was over – just like it started, the tour ended at a selected hotel but not everyone was ending their individual travel plans at this particular hotel.  Only 2 people were staying at the hotel, someone else had a flight later in the evening and the rest of us were going to other accommodations.  At that point, I had a hostel in Santa Monica booked and because I’m awesome, I had already checked the best way to get there which was on a bus.  I had a copy of the bus route map and so when TourLeader asked me where I had to be, I told her and suggested I show her the route map and perhaps if there were a  mutually convenient location on the route, that would be fine otherwise she could let me off with the Norwegian ladies, who were going to a hostel in Hollywood and TourLeader had just told the Norwegians she could get them close to that.  I thought my suggestion was reasonable but clearly TourLeader didn’t because she practically bit my head off, screeching that she couldn’t drive around looking for a bus stop to drop me off at.  Did I fucking say drive around and find me a bus stop bitch?  No I didn’t! 

 

After that little discussion, I wasn’t the least bit interested in bonding at the camp smoke so I went to bed.  KoreanGirl3 was not far behind me and informed me that she had ‘forgotten’ her sleeping bag.  More like you don’t own one fool.  She then proceeded to put on every item of clothing she had packed as it was a bit chilly due to the snow that had fallen the previous evening.  YES IT HAD SNOWED.  Our tent was also on a slight slope and although hardly noticeable when standing/sitting, the blood would still flood your brain when lying down.  So I slept uphill with my head at the top of the slope – KoreanGirl3 slept downhill.  How she slept, I have no idea, but she did because her snoring woke me up several times. 

 

Next morning, we had to leave camp at 5.30am.  LEAVE CAMP AT 5.30AM.  Not get up at 5.30, LEAVE AT 5.30AM.  Because everyone except me and the Koreans wanted to go on some stupid 25km hike to one of the famous Yosemite cliff faces known as Half Dome and to be able to make it back before dark, they had to start the hike at 7am and because we were camped in Bumfuckville instead Yosemite Valley, it was an hour and a half drive to the start of the trail.  I had decided to go horseriding instead of hiking – why hike when you can ride an animal that will do the hiking for you?

 

 

 

 

TourLeader had also informed us at the start of the tour that there would be little or no electricity available over the coming week to charge items such as cameras, phones etc.  I had expected this but the virgin campers had not.  Our camp site was not a powered site and I figured this was because there were no powered sites at the campground.  But alas, on my way to the shower at 4.35am (!!!!!!!!!!) I noticed that there were indeed powered sites.  Why would you not make use of a powered site if one were available?  Surely, Trek America would recognise the needs of the modern traveller include the ability to charge electrical devices?  I can’t imagine that a powered site would be so outrageously priced that it couldn’t be incorporated into the tour budget and it would have certainly saved the virgin campers jamming all their cameras and phones into the one solitary power outlet in the toilets. 

 

After farewelling the hikers and then watching the sunrise over Yosemite, TourLeader drove me and the Koreans to Curry Village, where the tourist action is at and where we would all meet at the end of the day.  I didn’t have to be at the stables until midday and it was about 9am so I had a few hours to kill.  TourLeader said that if you were cold last night then you had better get some warm clothes because it will be even colder in the Grand Canyon.  Although I had stayed reasonably warm most of the night, I didn’t want to risk being cold so I went and did a little thermal underwear shopping.  The thermal underwear came in 3 temperature ranges – warm, cool and cold.  I wanted the cold range but the store only had it in men’s – so I had to get the y-fronts with the doodle hole.  Nevermind.

 

The horseride was pretty good, even though it was on a mule rather than a horse.  The ride followed a path to an area called Clarke’s Point which had great views of the Yosemite Valley.  Going up was pretty easy but going down was a little scary – the trail was quite steep with constant switchbacks and not very wide, plus it was often shared with hikers.  Still, I survived and it sure beats walking.  Afterwards, I had to meet up with the rest of the group back at Curry Village for pizza.  The hikers had also survived and although none had made it all the way to Half Dome, all seemed pleased with their day albeit a little weary.

 

 

 

 

After a toasty sleep in my thermal jocks, I had to be up at sparrowfart again to leave Yosemite for Las Vegas.  Following breakfast, TourLeader was to give a demonstration on how to pack up the tent.  I ended up missing most of this thrilling lecture as I really needed a whizz but I did see how we were supposed to fold and roll the tent before putting it back in its carry case.  Good thing too as KoreanGirl3 – who had seen the full demonstration – didn’t have a bloody clue.  When I told her to get a hammer to pull the tent pegs out after she tried unsuccessfully to pull them out with her hands, she looked at me like I was from another planet.  Then she almost left behind half the tent poles because she had carelessly tossed them to the shithouse.  The tent had 2 parts to it – the tent itself and a waterproof tarp that went over the top.  The waterproof tarp was to be folded in thirds, while the tent folded into quarters and then placed on top of the waterproof tarp.  The tent poles – which had their own case – were then placed on top of the tents at the end opposite the tent door and then rolled.  This would push any air out of the tent before the whole lot is put in the carry case.  Well KoreanGirl3 was just going to fold the tents any way she saw fit and then just shove everything in the case.  Good thing one of us paid attention to that part of the demonstration.

 

Peace out.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 2nd, 2009 at 6:37 am and is filed under USA Trip '09. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.